What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Two of my family members have recently converted to Islam and have brought shame on my family. How do I get them back into the fold of Hinduism?

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Its year 2041, and president Hunter Biden has ordered every republican who sweared at him to be arrested and shot. I am on my way to the death row listening to the cheer of the Liberal mob chanting death death death. How can I escape?

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Why is Trump not on a violation of probation, offering a job for an endorsement is in violation of federal law? Kaamala knew better she is very sharp.

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

What are the similarities and differences between the policies of Democrats and Republicans currently?

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Who is the most annoying character in the Office?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Why do Trump supporters believe Trump should deport the immigrants? These people you call "illegal immigrants" have lived here for many years, they have houses, jobs, how can you think they will just go back to their country, where they have nothing?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

My dog is 2 weeks old. He's not eating, moving and always sleeping and I can't take him to a vet. What should I do?

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Why can’t my wife just accept the fact that I’m going to cheat?

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

What do you think of the 2 female 18 and 19 year-old German tourists, detained in Honolulu, strip-searched, put in green jumpsuits, placed in a holding cell and the next day deported, for the terrible crime of not pre-booking a hotel for their trip?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Make Nazis afraid again!

What are some cool confidence hacks?

TEXT:

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Why should we share our wife with others?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.